Uncovering deep routed narratives

Today, I received some coaching where we looked at ‘all of the times in my life that I didn’t feel good enough’. It was really amazing and frightening all at the same time, like a roller-coaster of emotions. It’s the first time in receiving coaching, that I’ve laughed and cried all at the same time.

What we were doing was just really peeling back these layers of incidents that happened from when I was really young. i.e. when I was pushed around in primary school by the other kids, through to the very recent lovely young lady that told me she just wasn’t interested in a relationship.

In a nutshell, everything that happened to me which I considered ALL the major milestones in my life, I’ve got it on a list.

When I look at stuff like that in writing, it just really becomes, well there’s no other word for it – REAL.

Then I made a list of what I made each of those milestone incidents mean about me. What I became really present to is how I compounded the prior experiences, and how that compound effect influences my current experience. Out of all of these incidents that I’ve written down, there are eighteen key incidents that I’ve got down on this table.

I made each of these eighteen incidents means something about me, that was is essence negative. So for example, my earliest memory of being at school being pushed around by older kids, they made me fall over, and physically hurt me – and that’s all. When I say “that’s all” it’s intentional – I ADDED a meaning to what happened, which was “bullying” and “there’s something wrong with me, that’s why they are doing that”, “I don’t fit in”, and “I’m not enough”

Now if we look at like the most recent incident, where this lovely lady said “not now doesn’t mean never” I made that mean something about me as well “there’s something wrong with me, that’s why she is saying that” or “I don’t make enough money” or “I’m not successful enough”.

It’s not only these things, it’s ALL the prior things that were stacked on top of it – all of the prior seventeen things compounded. It’s really just shone a light on what I had been carrying which is this recurring now compounded narrative of “I’m not enough”.

So I’m just really present to this right now, there’s some growth for me here. Exciting me at the moment is now we have bought awareness to this, I’m going to do some work with my coach on how we can solve this.

It’s without a doubt some of the best coaching I’ve ever had. I’m so grateful for it. I’m feeling for the first time, in such a long time, I feel like life is happening for me instead of life is happening to me. I feel like I’m experiencing that principle of life happening FOR ME – not just intellectually and theoretically but I just feel I’m having the experience of it.

This month has been so incredible, for so many reasons, really incredible. There have been angels that have been sent along to help me in this process of healing so I’m just feeling really grateful. I cannot over emphasise, how powerful community is for me right now.

So while I’ve bought attention to a narrative that really has not been serving me, there is this parallel narrative which has all this incredibleness which really serves me. It makes me the best version of me, and that’s for me and my coaching clients through Selling in Alignment.

What’s wonderful is I clear all this space out, of all of these things which no longer serve me. I get to reboot and really just be reborn with a new found, deeper level of awareness.

I initially thought that I would not – or should not share this post and at the same time, this is my blog and my life is about authenticity. Initially, I intended to share this with a smaller group of trusted people, but thought NO – let me just share it wider than that.

At the end of the day, if this benefits one person to really look back at all that’s happened to them in the past, what they’ve made that mean, and how they can erase that narrative and create something brand new, and grow from it all – then it’s just really worth it.

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